"То, что я выгляжу сексуально на обложке Rolling Stone еще не значит,что я неприличная"

Интервью с Бритни (18 апреля на английском)

In the midst of nasty break-up rumors, Slant Magazine's Alexa Camp spoke with pop music's hottest super-couple. Or did she?

Are they or aren't they? Is she or isn't she? Had he or hadn't he? Will they or won't they? Does anyone care? I do. Rumors first surfaced about a possible break-up between that little hussy and his slut girlfriend when she was spotted sobbing in the arms of Tara Reid at Les Deux Cafй in Hollywood about a month ago. At first we thought it was some lesbian publicity stunt but then remembered that she's not that smart. In the end, denials of their break-up were even more vague than the denials that they were an item to begin with. I ran into the "couple" at Veruka here in NYC last weekend and got the chance to pull each of them aside. We were standing on line for the bathroom when he began filling his pockets with starlight mints and double mint gum.

HE: I love her, you know?
ME: Yes, I know. But are the rumors true?
HE: That would be an oxy-moron, wouldn't it? A true rumor?
ME: True. But are they rumors or are they true?
HE: Listen, she will always be special to me no matter what happens. Just last night we talked about it. We're recording a new track together called "I Loved You (Didn't I?)."
ME: So you still have a working relationship?
HE: Technically. We're both young and love to dance.
ME: But you're working together.
HE: We don't consider it work. But yes, we're making music together.
ME: I see.
HE: [grins] If you know what I mean.

He giggled like a school girl, at which point I made my way over to the bar where that little whore was knocking back Long Island Ice Teas like lemonade at the Kentwood county fair.

SHE: I can't fucking talk about this.
ME: What?
SHE: He acts like it doesn't bother him.
ME: What doesn't bother him?
SHE: The fact that we, like, never see each other.
ME: Is that why you broke up?
SHE: [looks up from her drink] Is that what he told you?
ME: No, not in so many words.
SHE: Well, I've never liked being single. I'm Catholic.
ME: What does that have to do with it? Are you saying you're single?
SHE: Right now. What does "single" mean really? Aren't we all, like, single? I just think it's all so silly. You'll probably turn around and make me sound like some porcupine in heat.
ME: A what?

Our conversation was cut short as soon as he returned from the bathroom. I noticed there was a stain on his upper left thigh. Could Diego the bathroom attendant have given him more than just candy?

HE: Are you ready to go?
SHE: [inappropriately loud] We just got here!
HE: I just think it's important for you to get rest in your condition.
ME: What condition? Is it what I think it is?
HE: You can think whatever you want. The demands on our time have naturally created a significant time apart, which could be misconstrued as a more permanent situation.
SHE: [smiles] It's not what you think.
ME: I'm not sure what to think. You all sound so damned paranoid.
SHE: Oh my god, I totally forgot.
ME: Forgot what? Why are you laughing so hard?
SHE: I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back.
HE: She's cute when she's on the rag, isn't she?

And so our convo was over. I hadn't made any leeway. Were they still an item? Were they ever? I sat downstairs with my frozen Cosmo, deflated. Later that night I received a disturbing phone call.

SHE: [sobbing] I hate what happened tonight.
ME: Who is this?
SHE: I feel like I've been raped. I've tried so hard to prove I'm more than just a little ninny--some wannabe porno star.
ME: What?
SHE: I mean, what am I supposed to do to prove myself? I'm a virgin.
ME: Oh please. No one buys that anymore.
SHE: I just sometimes feel like the corporate tongue is up my asshole and it won't give up until I let it have my flower.
HE: [whispering] You little slut.
SHE: Get off the phone!


SHE: Do you see how he torments me?
ME: Let's talk about your career.
SHE: [long pause] That's disgusting.
ME: I said career. What does "Not A Girl (Not Yet A Woman)" mean to you?
SHE: Well, when I was a little girl I used to dance around my room in my Jem panties pretending I was Paula Abdul.
ME: Wow.
SHE: Yeah. And like, when I got a little older I got into Madonna and Janet. I was about 12 and I remember thinking 'I'm not a girl!' But I knew I wasn't a woman yet and I feel like I've been sort of, like, suspended in time since then. I'm like a little girl but not a woman--wearing panties but no bra. Originally that was the title of the song, "Wearing Panties (But No Bra)."
ME: You received a lot of acclaim for your first movie. What's up next for you?
SHE: I think I might try acting sometime soon. You know, being dramatic and doing a lot of crying while I'm dressed in torn panties.
ME: Have you always wanted to act?
SHE: No.
ME: What sparked your interest?
SHE: Ever since I saw Who's That Girl, I guess you could say I became interested.
ME: What other actresses have inspired you?
SHE: You know, mostly Martin Lawrence and Oprah. I love her show.
ME: So black artists are a big influence?
SHE: Not particularly.
ME: What makes a girl like you tick?
SHE: I start every morning with a glass of fresh squeezed OJ and a colonic. It pumps me up and gets me through the afternoon. I also love Danny Glover movies. I actually collect a lot of different things. Hobbies run in my family on my father's side.
ME: What do you collect?
SHE: Daddy used to collect taxidermied squirrels, and for my sweet sixteen he gave me one of his favorites. It's an albino he caught and trapped himself. That really clicked with me and I have been an avid collector for years now.
ME: Can you dispel the implant rumors?
SHE: I don't eat vegetables.
ME: But do you have implants?
SHE: I'm not sure what you mean, but I do have fake breasts. A lot of people think I have had collagen injections, but I would never ever do that. It's just too gross and I think it gives little girls the wrong impression of how "real" women look.
ME: Tell us about your next album.
SHE: Well it's really exciting. There are new songs and I'm singing them.
ME: Did you write any of them?
SHE: I actually wrote the first single.
ME: What is it like?
SHE: It's a remake, kind of a techno version of the song "Sex Bomb."
ME: Oh wow. Are you wearing panties right now?
SHE: Yes, but I can't find my bra anywhere [sighs]. I feel like I've grown so much since "Oops!...I Did It Again." I've matured so much...
ME: And learned so little.
SHE: What?
ME: Nothing.
SHE: I should go. But I want you to print something nice about us. No one knows the truth.
ME: And what is "the truth?" What's next for you guys?
SHE: Mama always told me that if you throw enough shit against the wall, something's gotta stick. Probably not marriage. Babies and dogs, you know? Maybe.

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